I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
