The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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