Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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