I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
