A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
