At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
