the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
