just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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