Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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