Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
