So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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