i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
