remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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