YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
