Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
