I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
