She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
