i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
