Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
