Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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