sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
