I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
