I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
