There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And then he peed in my hair
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