do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
