I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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