There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
