i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
