Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
