I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
