god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Randomize
