I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't put those talents on a resume
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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