I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could make wine with my vomit
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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