I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
