Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
