I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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