Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
