i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
