I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
