I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How does one acquire holy water?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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