And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
