she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
