Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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