I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
