Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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