Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
