i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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