why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
