so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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