Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
