My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
