o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
